


There you are

by blackpinkaus



Series: songs [1]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, References to Depression, chaennie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 11:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18620113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackpinkaus/pseuds/blackpinkaus
Summary: Chaeyoung is always there to save Jennie.





	There you are

**_Even when I messed it up,_ **   
**_There you are_ **

 

▷ There you are - Zayn

 

_Summary : Chaeyoung saved Jennie multiple times, until she decided to save herself._

_TW_ _: if you're sensitive to depression, anxiety, or alcohol issues then don't read this,_   
  
  


°°°  
  
  


I felt like I was slowly losing myself.  
  
  


I was dancing in the crowded club like as was all alone, the alcohol still burned in my throat, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I was starting to feel dizzy, not knowing what was around me anymore. All I could hear was the loud music, all I could feel was the lingering sensation of her lips on my body.  
  
  


I would regret it tomorrow.  
  
  


I took another glass, trying desperately to drown my pain and sorrows in the strong alcohol. It never seemed to be enough. No matter how much I drank, no matter how hard I tried, the ache was still there.   
  
  


Everything was spinning around me.  
  
  


All this time I managed to keep going, but I couldn't find the strength anymore. I almost won this battle, almost won the war, but I failed. Once again, I failed. I was back at square one.  
  
  


I fell on my knees, some people tried to catch me, help me get up, but I stayed down. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. The ache was growing and growing. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't feel a thing besides the pain. No matter how many neons and bright lights were around me, I was surrounded by darkness. I felt myself slipping away. I couldn't feel my heart beat in my chest anymore.  
  
  


I only wanted it to stop.  
  
  


"Jennie ?" Her voice echoed in the room, it was still gentle, soothing, sweet. Everything I was not. But I couldn't move. I couldn't talk.  
  
  


"Jennie, oh my god-" Her voice was louder, felt closer now. I didn't know if I was dreaming or not. I didn't know if I was still alone.   
  
  


Until I felt a hand on my shoulder.  
  
  


"Jen come here, I'm bringing you home."  
  
  


I don't know where I found the strength, but I slowly opened my eyes, and she was there, right in front of me. She was real.   
  
  


She put her arm behind my back and helped me get up, ignoring the stares of everyone around us. I couldn't process what was happening, why was she there now?  
  
  


_I'm bringing you home._   
  
  


I didn't have any home.   
  
  


Or... actually, I had one, and I was in her arms right now. I felt safe. She made the ache stop, even if it was just for a brief moment.   
  
  


But she wasn't  _my_  home anymore.  
  
  


I was about to talk, say anything, Thank you, I hate you, I love you, hell I didn't even know. But I was getting dizzier, black dots dancing in my vision, and when we finally made it outside of the club, I completely passed out.  
  
  


°°°  
  
  
  


I woke up in the way too familiar bedroom with a damp cloth on my forehead. I felt like the alcohol had finally left my veins, and I became too aware of everything.   
  
  


 _Chaeyoung_.  
  
  


Where was she?  
  
  


I got up quickly, too quickly probably, and ended up letting out a loud grunt as I felt loud bangs in my head. Ugh, never will I ever drink like that again.  
  
  


_(Yeah, sure)_   
  
  


The door swung open when I was trying to get up, revealing the girl who had haunted all of my thoughts and all of my dreams for so long.  
  
  


" _Rosie_ -"  
  
  


"Jen, don't," She said, her face blank.  
  
  


Ouch.  
  
  


"I'm sorry" I tried, my heart heavy in my chest. She shook her head.  
  
  


"You have nothing to be sorry for"  
  
  


She came closer to me and brushed a strand of wet hair off my face. "How's your head?"  
  
  


"Like someone just knocked me out with a hammer"  
  
  


She laughed, and I smiled, feeling for a second that everything was like before, like nothing had changed.  
  
  


But her smile disappeared almost as soon as it came, and a concerned frown took its place.  
  
  


"Why were you in that state? God, Jen, you scared me"  
  
  


I smiled. "To forget"  
  
  


"Forget?"  
  
  


"You," I said it so quietly, I wasn't even sure she heard me.  
  
  


But she did. "Did it work?"  
  
  


I chuckled. "No"  
  
  


"Never worked for me either"  
  
  


The air around us felt tense, and I could probably blame what I said next on the little alcohol left in me. "I miss you" My voice came out strangled, as if my body wanted to prevent me from saying it, from breaking myself even more.  
  
  


But Chaeyoung smiled, "I'm here now"  
  
  


"Are you?" I found myself laughing again bitterly.   
  
  


"I.. I miss you too, Jen"   
  
  


And then I saw it, the tears threatening to spill, the pain in her eyes, the same I was used to seeing in mines whenever I looked in a mirror.  
  
  


"We made a mistake" She said  
  
  


"You were the one who left me," I answered.  _Hypocrite, Jennie. So hypocrite._  
  
  


"Don't act as if you didn't leave me too,"   
  
  


There it was. "I know," I was looking straight into her eyes. "I know, I'm sorry. It's only my fault," She shook her head, about to protest, but I didn't let her. "I'm working on it, Chaeyoung." She looked in my eyes, furrowing her eyebrows. "I'm seeing a therapist, to be better"  
  
  


"You are?"  
  
  


I hummed and she smiled. For the first time tonight, it seemed sincere.  
  
  


"Tonight was... Well, tonight was an accident." I laughed bitterly, ashamed, so so ashamed for giving up, and for her witnessing it. "But I'm trying, Chaeyoung, I almost don't drink anymore, I came back to work a month ago, I go out again, I'm taking my pills every day."   
  
  


"Really?"  
  
  


"Yeah. I'm trying to get everything back together. It's hard but- You keep me going." I said, and it was true. She used to keep away the numbness. Now, without her, I was left fighting my darkest thoughts on my own. But somehow, it made me stronger. She made me stronger.  
  
  


"Am I?"  
  
  


I nodded, "The day you left, you said I could always call you if I needed you. You said you just couldn't carry our relationship alone anymore"   
  
  


"But you never called me," She said, her voice slightly shaking.  
  
  


"I know, because I needed to do this alone" I smiled. "But knowing that you were there... It kept me going, because I knew I had a chance, even if it was small, I had a chance to have you back eventually"   
  
  


"Jen..."  
  
  


"I just- I realized that I couldn't love you properly if I didn't love myself, at least just a little. But now... Now I'm better, much, much better... Until tonight I was, at least."  
  
  


"I'm proud of you," She said, and nothing could have made me better in that moment. Four words, and I was back on my feet, ready to continue my fight. Ready to win this battle once and for all.   
  
  


"And... And you don't have to do this alone anymore, Jennie, I..." She took my hand, sending a tingling sensation all over my body. "I'm there, now, if you still want me, of course. But...""I'm there for you," She said.   
  
  


And I kissed her.   
  
  


She kissed me back immediately, putting her hand on my cheek, always so delicate as if she was scared I might break. But I didn't want any of that. I kissed her stronger, bringing my hand in her hair, not caring anymore about breathing. I missed her too much.

And just before she flipped us over, just before her lips were back on my neck just like they always were before, just before her hands made their way to the hem of my shirt to take it off, I said, "I promise to be there for you too,"  
  
  
  


And I felt alive for the first time in forever.

 


End file.
